My personality sat folded between my wallet and my keys
Accessible but hidden while I decided what to be.
Shall I be witty and engaging, or slightly more demure?
Should I be quiet and subdued? How would they like me more?
Perhaps I hide a shy, sweet smile when they ask about my dreams.
Or with animation broadly grin. Who, though, should I be?
Each temperament a part of who I really am inside,
But which to show off freely? And which to safely hide?
“Be your best self.” The common call. “Or who you want to be.”
But am I willing to be brave, and boldly just be me?
And so, with sigh of resignation, relief, and, yes, of dread,
I pull my apron from my purse and lift it over my head.
I wrap it round and tie the ties, and flatten out the seams,
Wearing wit and shyness and smiles and bits of dreams.
And come the time to introduce myself in all my parts,
I’ll reach my hand to grasp their own, and offer them my heart.
I have a few important interviews coming up that will influence many of the opportunities Jason and I have moving forward. I'm the kind of person who rehearses conversations in the mirror, and who often over-analyses things that haven't even happened yet, coming up with a game plan "just in case." But, as I am learning (for the zillionth time), I am called to be a woman of integrity and trust, and when I am faithful to simply obey Jesus, everything else will fall into place, in HIS timing and in HIS way. And so, as I prepare for these crucial interactions, I don't need to prepare my personality. I need to prepare my heart. Not to impress others, but to reflect Christ well.
It took me 2-3 years for God to unfold this current plan for my life, but when I look back upon the wrestling and refusing to let go, I can see HE was strengthening my marriage, teaching me humility, giving me ears to listen, and rebuilding my health, just in the perfect timing for me to begin a dream full time teaching job at a private Christian school where I could truly fight for my students! And I have such joy in HIM as a result!