Welcome, New Year!

I am not defined by the circumstances of this past year, nor whatever the next year holds. I am defined by the One who carefully guides me through each day, and my understanding of that definition is shown by my response to those events.

This past year was hard, but so were the last several decades. Why? Simply because my heart has been pummeled by events out of my control since I became aware of life outside myself.

Yet in each of those trials, strains, pressures, and heavy places I am made more aware of the specific grace of Jesus which permeates through every bitter pain in the most detailed, exact, beautiful way.

Were it not for the pain I would not understand His comfort. Were it not for the sorrow I would not understand His peace. Were it not for the brokenness I would not understand His healing. I will not ask for pain, but I will pray to know Him more.

And, if pain is the path to a fuller understanding of my Savior’s heart, then I am pleased to make pain my sweetest friend.

Welcome, New Year. I know your Commander and He loves me. I will ever trust Him as you are dictated by His goodness.

Nikki Is HERE!

Oh, Friends! After a year of writing, editing, designing, hoping, changing, uploading, formatting, rearranging, and waiting, my little book, Nikki Learns About Life, is available!

This little story follows nine-year-old Nikki as she navigates life and home, complete with annoying siblings, parents who don't understand, and other inexplicable pressures of feeling unseen. After the final chapter was written and I read over what had been typed out I realized that it had become a biblical counseling handbook and devotional for mothers and daughters, disguised as Children's Literature.

Releasing a second book is so different than birthing the first... I am still just as excited, and just as satisfied in the effort that was poured into the book, but there is less stress, less fear, and more rest. I have been learning (again and again and again) that my worth has absolutely nothing to do with anything I can achieve or become, and is instead hinged on who JESUS is and who He has called me to become. On account of that continued growth, releasing Nikki is simply JOY.

That which I've been learning about life and love and longing, and every piece of biblical counseling that I've been immersing myself in has blanketed the process of letting this little book live. And I am EXCITED!

I had a handful of girls and mamas who had the chance to read Nikki over the last several weeks, and several shared some really encouraging reviews. It is super exciting to see how Nikki is already equipping families to know and love Jesus more, and how a little story bolsters them to serve Him-- specifically in the realm of life with a tween girl.

A couple of responses from mamas:

The book has served us in relating spiritual concepts that I could not have provided myself.

It helped my daughter voice how she sometimes feels lost in our family and can relate to Nikki.

Because the content is so relevant to the kids and even myself, we have had some wonderful heart conversations.

The second Nikki book is already under way, and I'm SUPER excited about what's happening in her life as a ten-year-old. But for right now I'm trying to remember that my priority is to make this first book available and exciting everyone who doesn't live inside my own head!

I am NOT a gifted marketer. I'm not wonderful at making sure that relevant audiences know about resources that might be a blessing to them. On account of this, I am SO very appreciative for your encouragement and support. (Thank you, thank you, thank you!!)

If you place an order via my website, please use the promo code STUDYGIRLS for an extra $1 off your order. (To "cheat" the system for $1 off multiple items you'll need to make multiple orders.) The trick is that I'm still waiting on my copies, so it'll take a couple of weeks to receive your treasures if you purchase through me. If you head to Amazon, however, you can get both the book and the companion journal and have them delivered in just a couple of days.

Oh, my goodness. WOW.

This has been such a fun journey, and I am SO grateful to have you along for the ride.

Thank you for your continued support, and for your investment in this ministry. If I come to mind please pray that Jesus will use the Nikki Learns series to His glory, and that in reading it others would know Him more.

Peace Under Pressure

It was nearly time for the final push. I knew it. My body knew it. The baby knew it.

We were finally here.

I gripped Jason’s hand tighter and with a soft smile he ran his thumb over my knuckles. After so much danger, after so much pain, after so many broken hopes and losses we were finally at the end.

It had been 10 long months of surrendering this child to the Lord over and over and over, and God had revealed Himself in miraculous ways throughout every fear and heartache. We had learned so much about ourselves and our God. We had seen Him beautifully meet our every need and we had at last reached the end of this journey.

Or so I thought.

“Alright. Let’s see how we’re doing.” My nurse lifted the edge of the sheet and skillfully inspected the results of the last contraction. “Oh!”

I saw my nurse’s eyes get wide as she hunched towards me. I felt a pressure as she leaned into the baby, though the epidural from thirty minutes before dulled any pain. She hit the call button and called for the OR to be prepped, and climbed onto the bed with me.

She straddled my legs and attempted to shift the sheet around my lower half, trying to maintain my dignity. Through it all her right hand was wrapped around my unborn child’s head, deft fingers lifting the prolapsed umbilical cord from my baby’s neck where it had begun to twine, attempting to keep my precious little girl alive.

“Okay, hun, so we have a few things happening all at once. The umbilical cord was delivered before the baby and your contractions are squeezing it so that the baby is not able to breathe. It’s also wrapped around her neck and I’m unable to get it unbound. We’re going to need an emergency C-section in order to save her. You can do this. Do you understand?”

By this time we were surrounded by several people in scrubs and they started wheeling us out of the room and down the hall.

My husband was still holding onto me and he squeezed my fingers in a reassuring grip. We looked at each other and we knew: we had surrendered this baby to Jesus, and were He to take her from our care we would trust Him still.

I took a deep breath, looked at my nurse and said, “I’m good. I understand. Um, do you mind if I sing? It’s encouraging and calming to me.”

She laughed in surprise. “You do what you need to do!”

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…”

As I softly sang I felt tears well up and stream from my eyes. Yet there was peace. Absolute, stunning, beautiful peace. The lights in the corridor were flashing, code blues were being called out, and the urgent voices of the six personnel around my rolling bed continued.

“You! Come with me.” Another nurse had grabbed Jason and he gave my hand one last squeeze. He and the nurse followed the procession, breaking off into a room next to where I was wheeled in order to get washed and scrubbed.

“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fear relieved…”

I was taken to a brightly lit room with trays and tables and shining instruments already prepped. In the hubbub of bustling people I heard someone near my head say, “On three. One, two, three!”

They lifted me from the hospital bed into the operating table, my nurse still sitting on my legs. My hair was swept from my face and a blue cap was placed on my head.

“The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures…”

A curtain was strung up at my chest and I felt someone grab my hand. Looking up to the right I found Jason smiling down at me. His little blue hat made him look like a concerned Bob Ross, and I smiled back at him. He held my gaze for the next several minutes, while the world turned around us at a dizzying speed.

Seven minutes later there was a cry, several shouts of victory, and shortly thereafter a little bundle was placed on my chest. I couldn’t see her face, but I bent my neck and nuzzled her head. I think I cried. I know Jason did. And it was beautiful.

Remembering Auna’s Birth (October 6, 2014) Christin Hunt